Hanging out in Harlem....

It’s been a while!! I know you all have missed me but I have been busy networking and socializing while I build my business. It’s amazing how social and business networking can become intertwined very easily. It’s sometimes hard to post on a regular basis however I think about blogging all the time even if it doesn’t actually happen.

Last night I went to a fundraising event for Hurricane Katrina victims in Harlem entitled “Wade in the Water” at the National Black Theatre. The evening performance also included a pre-performance reception and program. Danny Glover was in attendance (and the guest of honor). He appeared to be tired (he was asleep in the front row) and/or drunk (he was staggering when he left the theatre during intermission) I’m always amazed at how much credence we give these celebrities, A-list, B-list, or D-list!! Give me a break!

There were a lot of politicians, business leaders, people in the arts, and just everyday people out to support a good cause. I noticed an older gentleman who I thought was extremely handsome, about 50ish, in great shape, and from Grenada. I thought he might be flying solo...divorced...widowed...or something along those lines. He chatted with me on several occasions, specifically seeking me out and during the intermission he brought me water when he felt like I might be parched. I was thinking wow what a perfect gentleman. I could consider dating a handsome, debonair older man. Then he happened to introduce me to his niece, who during the course of our conversation, mentioned that she came with her aunt and uncle, which means that he’s married!!! HUH!! That is really disgusting that he was hitting on me while his wife was at the event with him. Again, I say, what is the point of getting married if you’re still going to stray? Are human beings actually capable of sustaining a monogamous relationship?? HMMMMMMM

I also met another gorgeous young man, who appeared to be single but I will have to do a little more research into that thought he came by himself. He travels overseas a lot, which is right up my alley. I think he’s a consultant for some American based company. We’ll see about that….

Overall, this was a great event, with good food, wine and company.

A fairly uneventful evening....ho..hum..

I have to say hanging out all night means spending the day catching up on sleep. I woke up today around noon. What a rough life!!

Last night I stepped out the house around 10pm. I was on my way to Providence (formerly known as Le Bar Bat) which is a cool trendy spot in Manhattan for dining and after hours it turns into a club/lounge atmosphere. The Black Ivy League Alumni and Friends were having a party and it was free before midnight so I was lucky enough to get parking on the block. I went solo but I had some friends who said they would be stopping by. I ran into a few people I knew but after roughly an hour of watching these kids - in the 25 year old age range - I decided it was time to move on. The ratio of women to men was 10:1, which meant that I was clearly going to get no love. Some women were in jeans, while others had on after five gowns, with their boobs hanging out. Of course, they all seemed to be on the prowl for a mate, boyfriend, husband, etc...

I decided to head to NY Perks in Brooklyn, for its 2 year anniversary celebration. I ran into some friends but again the ratio of women to men was again not in my favor so I just hung out with the guys that I knew. I got home in the wee hours of the morning with no exciting stories to share :(

Hanging in Brooklyn & Harlem

So, the ANF Short Collective on Thursday night was a lot of fun. About 15 of my friends showed up and got the opportunity to sit in the VIP section, some of them were definitely into that VIP treatment. Personally, I could care less, though it is a nice perk to be able to treat your friends like they’re special. The evening was pretty uneventful until afterwards when I met a few guys. One guy, who had gold rims in his mouth (boy these guys LOVE me!) told me that he’s a facility coordinator for the city. So, I asked for a translation, and it really means that he handles the maintenance for a building in Brooklyn. Amazing how people try to spruce up the job descriptions just to make their jobs seems more impressive.

Then, I met a guy who recently broke up with his fiancé. Ouch! That has got to be painful. They had been dating for 4 years, so I figure it will take him about 2 years to get over her. We had a very nice, productive conversation during which he was trying to assess and analyze why I’m such a failure when it comes to relationships. Basically, my longest relationship was 9 months, and that was in 2000. I need serious help in that department! His assessment was that I tend to kick guys to the curb before they can break up with me or break my heart. I guess there is some truth to that. But, overwhelmingly, I just don’t meet guys who tickle my fancy. What can I say? I am a gorgeous, sexy, intellectual goddess and most men, regardless of race, class or religion just can’t handle all of MOI….and that’s their loss! Too bad this guy just got out of something because he definitely fits the IBM category. He’s in his late 30’s, no children, educated, Wall Street job, and very cultured. (He’s also divorced which can be a bit of a red flag…hmmmm) Too bad there are probably a million women chasing after him!! He claims that he tends to give women more love than they are able to reciprocate. We exchanged business cards and I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.

Last night, I hung out in Harlem. I went to Harlem Lanes, which is a bowling alley owned and operated by 2 black female entrepreneurs. The concept is great but you know anytime a whole lot of us are in one place, there’s bound to be stuff we don’t like. First, of all they have a pre-pay when you order food, which I balked at and ended up paying after I got my food because I didn’t agree with the policy. I guess they have to do that because there’s an issue of black folks skipping out on their bill. How nice!

Then there’s this policy that if children under 18 are in before 8pm, they can stay and hang out. Now, I am not interested in seeing children, when I’m hanging out at a grown folks event at 10pm. That makes no sense. Overall, the customer service sucked, the drinks were decent, and the crowd was ok. I don’t know that I will rush to go back there again.

Afterwards, I went next door to this newly opened (2 mos.) seafood restaurant. If you are ever in the mood for a great date spot or a place to take your family, you have to go to Pier 2110, the service was impeccable and they have a lounge as well as a bar area. On Friday night, they have karaoke and there were a lot of really talented people who sang. I had a blast just hanging out with friends!

On my way home, I also stopped at Ripple, this cool neighborhood bar in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. I ran into a few people that I knew. I met a guy and exchanged numbers with him though I don’t know if he’s interested in me. We shall see. He works for an insurance company and likes to travel. He lives in NJ which is a deal breaker for me but we’ll see.

Just some thoughts....

So, it seems a lot of people got fired up about my feelings about dating black men and I felt inspired to respond in general to some of the feedback. While I am an equal opportunity dater, the reality is not as easy as shopping at a different grocery store and then I will meet White, Asian or Hispanic men. It's just not that simple. Trust me, I frequent all types of establishments in Manhattan and Brooklyn and meet all sorts of people but they don't necessary strike my fancy! Dating is truly a challenge and it's even harder when you're driven, focused and not willing to settle for any old BS. So, though it isn't my sole focus, it does provide great material for this blog. Not to mention, I actually enjoy going out on dates, though I wish I had some more promising options!!

Last night I went to Gracie Mansion for the kick off of the West Indian Day Parade (which is held every Labor Day weekend). The event had good food, drinks and plenty of good looking guys but everyone was standing around profiling and posturing so I didn't really meet anyone. I just enjoyed the eye candy!! Then, I ended up at the NY Liberty game, because I was given a free ticket, and I knew I definitely wasn't going to meet anyone there. All in all, it was a pretty low key night from a dating standpoint. Hopefully, the rest of the week will be a little more productive for me.

Tomorrow night, I will be attending my friend's Short Film Collective, in Brooklyn. You can check out the lineup at http://www.actnowproduction.org/htmfiles/anf.htm and feel free to stop by if you're in the area. So we'll see how that goes!!

Black male/female dynamics...is there a solution?

Last night I hung out at this bar/restaurant in Park Slope, mainly because of the $3 happy hour but also because the bartender is a cutie!! I usually don’t go out on Sundays but I think that this might be my new hang out spot. The bartender also happens to own his own business, which I find very appealing. He is 31 and supposedly single. We had a very nice conversation but at some point, it seemed as if it was ok for him to make light and playful sexual innuendos, but when I responded with some of my own, he was a little taken aback. So, I pulled back a little and switched gears with my conversation. But, I also realize that this seems to be an ongoing problem that I have which is that I come on way to strong for a woman and that I should recognize my place or my role in society. I guess I’m just not willing to do that so I’m going to have to pray that someone wants to meet a strong willed woman like myself or I better settle in for a nice exciting single life!!

This whole line of conversation of course leads me to my usual discussion of double standards for men and women. My thoughts were further solidified late last night when I watched an episode of Straight Talk, with Al Sharpton, on TV One, in which a roundtable of black people were discussing gender roles within the black community. I am so TIRED of hearing men say that they feel emasculated by strong black women and we should learn our place and let a man be a man. But so often, men aren’t acting like men, they’re acting like dogs or like children so in many instances we have to step up to the plate. Alternatively, even if women like myself initially play the docile, humble servant girl (whatever that means) for the 1st few dates, our true personality is going to eventually come out. So, either you can deal with a strong, independent woman or go shop elsewhere for that "other" type of women.

Needless to say the roundtable really re-emphasized the same points that so many of us as women complain about but it also realize that our girlfriends can never teach us about a man, only a man can do that. Too often, we have people in our lives who are haters about our relationship and will not look out for our best interests. On the other hand, we all have friends who have basically kicked us to the curb once they landed that "ultimate man" Why is that? It's still important to nurture those relationships among your true female friends because you never know when you might really need them to have your back. And regardless of whether or not you have a man in your life, learn to respect and appreciate the women with whom you share common interests.

Today, I had lunch with a friend of mine who managed to share with me that he met this nice southern beauty (from Georgia – because you always want to meet a woman who’s originally from somewhere else) who is aggressive yet has a quiet demeanor…oh yeah and she has no drama…no kids….lives in her own apt. on the Upper East Side -- because heaven forbid she live in some slightly sketchy neighborhood outside of Manhattan….and I said wow, that is really what the majority of black American, Caribbean or African men are truly looking for. I don’t care how much they preach about the beautiful, intellectual, educated, professional sistas out there. That is not what they want! At the end of the day, it’s all about stroking his ego and his d***. At what point, can a guy show us some love and say sweetie, I know you’ve had a rough day, let me make dinner for you, let me treat you to some pampering at a spa, let me be the shoulder you can lean on. I think that maybe that just happens in the fairy tales or in those other people’s lives because it sure seems like a myth to me. But in all honesty, the underlying problem is that so many men, esp. in NY (and other major urban areas) are not willing to enter into a relationship or even enter into the dating arena. It’s too much work and no one really wants to work anymore. So, if the relationship isn’t handed to you on a silver platter, then they aren’t interested. I think I better settle in for the single life and just focus on growing my personal business because at least that will give me immediate gratification as well as money in my pocket so if need be, I can just rent a date for the evening!

The date from hell!!

OK, I had a date last night. It went horribly! I really feel like I’m ready for a little hiatus from dating! My date was with this guy, Larry, who I used to work with 6 years ago. At that time, we had gone out a few times but I was in a relationship so nothing ever came of it. Then I left my job to go to grad school so nothing ever came of it. Fast forward to 2006, and I run into Larry about a month ago, while I’m going to lunch with another guy. He has emailed me and/or called me on a daily basis. Finally, I agreed to go out with him. We were supposed to go to the movies last Saturday, and then he sent a text message to cancel because an issue came up with his daughter. He cancelled about an hour before we were supposed to meet, which seemed a bit shady. But, he apologized profusely and I decided to give him another chance.

So, tonight we were scheduled to meet up at 5pm. During the day, he mentioned a movie and I said that it’s not the best place to get to know each other so maybe we should go out to eat. Then he suggested eating at Bubba Gump’s, which is located in the heart of the midtown tourist district, which I wasn’t interesting in going to so I suggested another spot in Union Square, called Rosa Mexicano. He agreed with the spot and I thought we were on the same page. Then he called me at 4:50pm to let me know that he got off work and to reconfirm our meeting location. After that he proceeded to call a few more times, to make sure that I had left work and that I knew where to meet him. Of course, I let the phone go to voicemail because I was getting pretty annoyed with his obvious micro-managing of my time! I met up with him at about 5:10pm and we took the train to Union Square. Once we were seated and ordered drinks, he proceeds to tell me that he’s not really hungry because he had a pretty big breakfast and lunch. At this point, I’m looking at him and I’m pretty stupefied because I’m wondering why we’re sitting at a restaurant when he’s not hungry. Of course, I hadn’t really eaten anything so I was hungry but quickly losing my appetite in light of the circumstances. He had mentioned several times that these weren’t his plans and finally about a ½ hour later, he informs me that he really intended for me to take the bus with him back to NJ (about 1 hour away) so that we can do something there and then he would drive me back to Brooklyn. HUH!!! Now, I started feeling like I was in the twilight zone because I’m wondering at what point he was going to give me a heads up about his plans. I guess he was planning on doing the spontaneous thing! At this point, it’s a little after 6pm and he manages to tell me that his last bus back to NJ is at 7pm (and he has to catch it in midtown) So, now I have completely lost my appetite and of course, he suggests that I can pack it up to go. He pays for the drinks and the appetizers, that I ate, and I offered to leave the tip. I told him he could leave so that he wouldn’t have to miss his bus and I would make sure to get change so that I could leave the tip. After I left, I decided to treat myself to the movies and I went to see “The Devil Wears Prada” which I thoroughly enjoyed. Oh well, another one bites the dust. Should I give him another chance to make it up to me? He wants to take me out on a date next weekend. I guess I’ll see if I have any other options before I commit to going out with him!!