Black male/female dynamics...is there a solution?

Last night I hung out at this bar/restaurant in Park Slope, mainly because of the $3 happy hour but also because the bartender is a cutie!! I usually don’t go out on Sundays but I think that this might be my new hang out spot. The bartender also happens to own his own business, which I find very appealing. He is 31 and supposedly single. We had a very nice conversation but at some point, it seemed as if it was ok for him to make light and playful sexual innuendos, but when I responded with some of my own, he was a little taken aback. So, I pulled back a little and switched gears with my conversation. But, I also realize that this seems to be an ongoing problem that I have which is that I come on way to strong for a woman and that I should recognize my place or my role in society. I guess I’m just not willing to do that so I’m going to have to pray that someone wants to meet a strong willed woman like myself or I better settle in for a nice exciting single life!!

This whole line of conversation of course leads me to my usual discussion of double standards for men and women. My thoughts were further solidified late last night when I watched an episode of Straight Talk, with Al Sharpton, on TV One, in which a roundtable of black people were discussing gender roles within the black community. I am so TIRED of hearing men say that they feel emasculated by strong black women and we should learn our place and let a man be a man. But so often, men aren’t acting like men, they’re acting like dogs or like children so in many instances we have to step up to the plate. Alternatively, even if women like myself initially play the docile, humble servant girl (whatever that means) for the 1st few dates, our true personality is going to eventually come out. So, either you can deal with a strong, independent woman or go shop elsewhere for that "other" type of women.

Needless to say the roundtable really re-emphasized the same points that so many of us as women complain about but it also realize that our girlfriends can never teach us about a man, only a man can do that. Too often, we have people in our lives who are haters about our relationship and will not look out for our best interests. On the other hand, we all have friends who have basically kicked us to the curb once they landed that "ultimate man" Why is that? It's still important to nurture those relationships among your true female friends because you never know when you might really need them to have your back. And regardless of whether or not you have a man in your life, learn to respect and appreciate the women with whom you share common interests.

Today, I had lunch with a friend of mine who managed to share with me that he met this nice southern beauty (from Georgia – because you always want to meet a woman who’s originally from somewhere else) who is aggressive yet has a quiet demeanor…oh yeah and she has no drama…no kids….lives in her own apt. on the Upper East Side -- because heaven forbid she live in some slightly sketchy neighborhood outside of Manhattan….and I said wow, that is really what the majority of black American, Caribbean or African men are truly looking for. I don’t care how much they preach about the beautiful, intellectual, educated, professional sistas out there. That is not what they want! At the end of the day, it’s all about stroking his ego and his d***. At what point, can a guy show us some love and say sweetie, I know you’ve had a rough day, let me make dinner for you, let me treat you to some pampering at a spa, let me be the shoulder you can lean on. I think that maybe that just happens in the fairy tales or in those other people’s lives because it sure seems like a myth to me. But in all honesty, the underlying problem is that so many men, esp. in NY (and other major urban areas) are not willing to enter into a relationship or even enter into the dating arena. It’s too much work and no one really wants to work anymore. So, if the relationship isn’t handed to you on a silver platter, then they aren’t interested. I think I better settle in for the single life and just focus on growing my personal business because at least that will give me immediate gratification as well as money in my pocket so if need be, I can just rent a date for the evening!